20 Subtle Clues She’s About to Break Up with You

Crack her pre-breakup code and read between her apathetic lines, and you won’t be so blindsided by the inevitable bad news

Women are many things, but straightforward isn’t one of them. So while you may sense that something is amiss when your girlfriend or wife displays obvious signs that she's not happy in a relationship, there are other subtle clues you can watch for before the not-so-subtle ones hit you like a ton of bricks.

We aren’t talking about her reluctance to jump into bed with you. Or her lack of feigned interest in the details of all 18 holes you just played. Or the fight picking. Or the time she unfollowed you on Twitter. We know you know those.

But these are some of the more obscure indications that The Talk may be coming soon to a relationship near you.

1. Dirty talk isn’t reciprocated

You text her to tell her she looked sexy as hell in bed this morning and that it killed you to leave for your breakfast meeting, and instead of responding that that would’ve rocked her world, she just says, “Thanks!” Thanks? She might as well have texted “Who dis?”

2. Her good news is news to you

When you become the last one on her call list with news of a raise, a promotion, a seriously heavy piece of gossip, or even a story about something adorable her dog/cat/baby did, know that you are not her No. 1 anymore.

3. That cheery disposition of hers goes cold

If she was the more sanguine of the two, and she suddenly goes Debbie Downer on everything, it might mean that your relationship has her seeing more cloud and less silver lining.

4. Suddenly, she starts doing things she hated

The girl who swore up and down that she’d rather be punched in the face before going to another pretentious book club, candle party, or dinners with girls she can’t stand is now saying yes to all of the above. With gusto. It’s like she’ll do anything to avoid you.

5. You know that argument you two have over and over?

You win. She starts going down without a fight. She no longer feels compelled to change your mind. About whatever it is, or was.

6. There are no more tears shed when you leave

In fact, it might feel like she’s glad to see you go. When you break the news to her that you have to go to New York for a few days, she doesn’t beg to go with. She might even be giving you the vibe that you should extend your stay. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out and all that.

7. She pulls away from all the parts of you

It’s not just you, it’s every extension of you. She stops picking up calls from your mom, and your sister notices that she cancels at the last minute every time the two of them have plans.

8. Your bedtimes have become suspiciously contradictory

If you’re going to turn in early, she says she feels like burning the midnight oil. But on the nights that you declare that you are going to stay up late and polish off that bottle of red, she ends up in bed with a book by 9pm.

9. You know that vast collection of private jokes that only you two get?

She no longer gets them. You might find yourself having to explain them. And then the jokes just aren’t funny anymore, and you’re just the guy with the way-too-vivid memory.

10. There is binge watching, and you aren’t invited

You two were working your way through the first three seasons of Californication, and then one night you come home from work to find out she’s already on season six. Spoiler alert: Your relationship’s about as stable as Hank and Karen’s.

(This may not be the worst thing anyway. Check out why Binge-Watching TV Is Unhealthy.)

11. The sex gets less intimate

Not every dry spell means she has one foot out the door. But if you find that your sex life is becoming more about the destination than the getting there, it should make you curious about where the love-making went.

12. The situation down there is not "situated" at all times

She never used to miss that waxing appointment every other week, but now she lets herself go. We have nothing against the natural look, but when she goes from a landing-strip kind of girl to a full-coverage girl, it’s a sign that she no longer sees the need to impress you with her bush-whacking skills.

13. Or vice versa

Conversely, if she seems hell bent on looking tip-top from head to toe, and starts waxing things you didn’t even know could be waxed, that may be another indication that she’s readying herself—body and mind—for the next chapter.

14. The best lingerie gets pushed to the back of her underwear drawer

You know that one red bra she has with the black laces straps and the tiny bow between her tits? No? Maybe you’ve forgotten it exists because all she wears now are the plain cotton nude bras that have seen better days. It makes you wonder: who is she saving the red one for?

15. She wants to meet for coffee

Damn, damn, damn. The dreaded coffee date. The ones with no drinks and no sexy time. That probably means something, and it ain’t good.

16. But when she is drinking, she is DRINKING

Is she drinking herself single with all those doubles ?

17. Whenever the two of you have plans, she always manages to bring a plus one

It could be her sister, your sister, her best friend, a co-worker, or a neighbor. That unwillingness to be alone with you sends a pretty clear message. And no, it has nothing to do with a threesome.

18. Her jealous bone is breaking

Clingy and possessive are their own kind of red flag. But a girl who used to be jealous and the suddenly isn’t anymore? That hurts. A little dose of jealousy keeps things interesting, and keeps you both on your toes. So when the smoking hot bartender is making direct eye contact with you, and your own girl doesn’t pay attention, you should be paying attention.

19. Did she just change the stereo presets in her car?

It’s like you don’t even know her anymore once her predictable listening habits—country and classic rock and nothing else—are no longer so predictable. A new direction music-wise could be a signal that other changes are on the horizon.

20. The lack of commitment is out of character for her

This is a woman who already knows that a month from next Tuesday she is meeting her Zeta Tau Alpha sisters for a reunion slash bachelorette party planning meeting, but when you ask her to pencil you in for dinner this weekend, she is reluctant and evasive. She gives you a lot of “Maybe”s and “We’ll see”s.